All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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