I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
