Pappa wants mamma naked
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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