I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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