I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
