butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
