Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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