Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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