But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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