I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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