You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
