2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
only if we run a train.
done.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
