and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
