I haven't been this sober since birth.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
