We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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