it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
