i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She announced her abortion via fbk
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
