This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I smell stomach acid.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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