we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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