He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dear god my vagina.
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