just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize