He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
