i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
