New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
