I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
