This is not my ceiling
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize