I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
