What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
