I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
