this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
