Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
