Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize