I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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