Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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