I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
