it wasn't lemon gatorade
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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