Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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