I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
