This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My ass is underappreciated
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
