So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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