i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize