So drunk, too bad you don't want this
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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