that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
