so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
