Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
