Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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