Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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