She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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