I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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