first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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