The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
