New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
