My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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