we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
