too bad you live with your parents still
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
