Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
