Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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