yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
