This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize