dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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