so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize