i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
