Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
