Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
