i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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