Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize