I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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