I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
