I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
